That makes me uncomfortable.

I was talking with a friend recently about how different people who are Christians act or interact with each other. We were both amazed at the differences in 'openness' among believers. Specifically, we were amazed at how some believers are very comfortable with the 'outside' of holy things or of spiritual situations, but very uncomfortable with the 'inside' of those situations.

I know that sounds weird - here's what I mean...

A serious, or at least, 'concerning' situation arises with someone or some group of people. What's the first thing you want to do?

1. Talk about it at length and about how unfortunate it is? Talk about the 'players' involved and how they are messed up and what feelings you have about them? Maybe call someone else or email someone else about it?
2. Find out what you can do and go into action? Perhaps make a casserole or pick up a bucket of chicken or pizza to take to someone? Etc...
3. Or is your first reaction to pray about it and then to approach the people involved and lovingly, truthfully, and honestly work toward understanding and peace; even if you know that it will be uncomfortable and that there is the possibility of being misunderstood and/or of stirring up a worse storm before the calming effect of Jesus takes hold?

Are we just 'chicken' when it comes to saying plainly what needs to be said sometimes? Keep in mind, I am not advocating 'going nuts' on someone and telling them how I feel, 'just cause' I want to. It seems that we're afraid of conflict. It seems that we're afraid of someone getting angry and possibly raising their voice. It seems that we're at times more concerned about keeping peaceful appearances rather than truly having peace based on open and honest relationships.

We can talk for days about people and situations and never really do anything about it. We used to call that gossip. (And I am the chief of sinners here.)

We can avoid actually dealing with people and situations by being busy. "Martha, Martha."

Jesus said "blessed are the peacemakers" and not "blessed are the conflict avoiders". Paul said to speak the truth in love to one another. Just because we're uncomfortable with or unfamiliar with how to do these things doesn't mean we need to simply not do them. Instead we need to ask God to show us how and the wade into those situations trusting that he will lead the way and remind us of how to be a Jesus follower in those situations or relationships with people.

Here's my short list of areas of relationships that I see that people really need to work on in the circles I run in...

1. Being able to pray with each other in settings other than over a meal or at a hospital.
2. Being able to say "I disagree with you about that and here's why..."
3. Being able to say "I hear your concern, but I think here are some things you're not seeing..."
4. Being able to say "How is your walk with God going? I notice that you come to worship, but that's about it. What areas of life has God led you to serve him in away from the church building?"
5. Being able to say "I'm not sure I believe ______ like I used to and I really want to talk about it and study it with you without you condemning me for my questions, concerns or doubts and or your acting like I have the spiritual plague all of a sudden."
6. Being able to agree together that we are way too materialistic at times and that we feel free to condemn some sins we think are 'really' bad but don't have a problem with watching each other work ourselves to death to keep a certain standard of living yet almost completely neglect God's Kingdom.
7. Did I mention being able to pray with each other? Why can't we do this? Does it reflect that we don't pray much on our own and thus are afraid that we 'won't know what to say' when praying with others?
8. Being able to speak God's words into one another's lives and to be accountable to one another without weirding out about it.
9. Being able to worship on a Sunday morning without spending most of my time wondering about how people think about me and thus being afraid to actually worship God openly and with my heart and emotions. It makes me sad that I have had several people mention that this is what they experience at a worship service - fear of being judged for expressing emotions like joy or saddness or tears of happiness in a worship service. I was reflecting on a passage from one of the prophets regarding Jesus during communion one Sunday and it brought me to tears. The person sitting next to me leaned over and said, "Are you okay?" Now, I love that person and don't want you to think I think less of them - at the same time, it struck me that we can so assume that you're not supposed to be expressive in worship.
10. Being able to look at someone in the eye and say, "What you're saying/doing is wrong. You need to repent of that and change."

Obviously a list like that could go on and on. What about you? Thoughts? What are areas in which you think that disciples need to change in their relationships with each other?