Are you gonna keep him?

As our second son is getting close to coming home from the hospital in the coming weeks, it's been a time to think back over the past few weeks and all that's happened.

One early-on event, way back when we first found out 'we' were pregnant was when our first son Samuel asked his mom, "Are you gonna keep him?" It was a cute thing said out of innocence, but it had a profound undertone for us as parents.

We've had a history of difficult pregnancies and have had two adoptions go south on us over the course of our marriage of almost twenty years.

• First a 20+ week miscarriage, a 25+ week birth (resulting in our wonder daughter!),
• a poorly assembled 'open adoption' that ended six weeks after we brought the child home,
• an almost full term pregnancy (resulting in our 'all boy' Samuel),
• a foster-to-adopt kind of set-up with an older boy that ended a few months after we brought him home only to discover that it was going to be more harmful to everyone involved to continue one involved,

...and all of that as a background for our son's question - because we've not always held on to those we've had or brought home, for a variety of reasons.

I know it may seem a stretch, but it makes me reflect on our 'church family' and how we do in 'bringing home' new people to be a part of it. How many times do we see a new family member come in one door and head out the other?

• the couple who comes in and realizes that everyone there went to school together and spend a great deal of time reflecting on "remember when we..." and so they quietly exit.
• the divorcee who is looking for a place to start over and finds that most singles are widows, college students, or people looking for a 'meat market' to find their next conquest in and they quietly exit.
• the long-time-member family who goes through some personal life changes and begins to feel that 'everyone is different' now and that even though they have a history in 'this family', it's like a new group of people and they don't fit in and they quietly exit.
• the peripheral religious shopper who is looking for an anonymous place to worship and be a Sunday AM/Easter/Christmas/Mother's Day worshipper and they feel the pressure or the call (depending on how you hear it) to do something more and they don't want that and so they quietly exit.

And you could list off any # of other kinds of scenarios and personality types, not to pick on any one side or issue or preconceived notion here...

Every church struggles with growth and good feelings and with how to integrate new people. Bringing in new people is change because attention will be focused elsewhere and it won't always be the same. On top of all that is the perpetual group of "If only we could go back..." singers who always sing the praise of the early days.

"Of course we're going to keep him! Why would you think otherwise?" That's all it took to reassure Samuel that we'd be keeping Eli (or Second Samuel as he was called by his older brother for a while). But it's a little more work to convince a church to keep a new family member.

Why? New people mean I need to be open to and ready for new ways of interacting with my 'old people' or my current family members. Just like our family is making a lot of changes to bring in a new person into our home, a church family has to do a lot of things to make ready for new people coming in: Letting go of just 'doing church as normal' or 'the way we've always done it'

• Getting to know new people or new groups and willingly letting go of my tight grip on the people or groups I am a part of to make room for new people
• Being honest with myself and others if "all that scares me and I don't know how to be" in that new kind of family - say it so others can help you through it
• Remembering that Jesus doesn't call me to increasing levels of comfort and smugness but rather to deeper levels of service and the opportunity to have self-sacrificing abundant life

So, what does that look like week after week?

• Am I willing to get up earlier and be 'at class' early enough to meet and get to know a few people a little better?
• Am I willing to be plugged into the occasional service project with other people so we can serve together and reflect on what we're doing for The Kingdom?
• Am I willing to invite one person a week to class or worship? And will I work to meet the people that others have invited?
• Am I willing to change my schedule and commit to being in a small group of fellow believers for a 6 to 9 months out of a year?
• Am I willing to counter a fellow believer who keeps on complaining and say, "Why don't you let all that go and give this new thing a try for a while?"

Let's see! Let's see if this "way" of life is something we're ready to commit to. Pray about it this week. Try some of these actions this week.

See what God stirs in your heart.

And when you see and meet someone new 'at church', don't just wonder "are we gonna keep him?" but instead make it your aim to make sure we do.